I received this email in my facebook account earlier today, from my fantastic friend, Moosh. A bit of background for those just hopping into my life in the recent past:
Right out of college with my bachelor's in equine administration, I went to work for the US Dressage Federation as a Programs Coordinator. When I was hired, we were based in Lincoln, Nebraska. After 1 year (exactly), I was piled into Big H (my trusty olde Honda Civic hatchback, incredibly full of random stickers spouting my viewpoints. Because if anyone knows anything about Life, it was me at.......22 or 23. Duh. And I so obviously know SO much more at 30. Seriously.) and I was picking up a good-looking young hitchhiker off of Highway 2 headed out of Lincoln. His name was something that is normally spelled with a "C", but his was spelled with a "K". Kody. That's it. Kody, who was a few years younger than me (I think he was 21 - I would've been 22 for another 6 weeks, so.....almost 23). He was hitchhiking from California to Bonnaroo in Tennessee. I happened to be moving to Kentucky at that very moment. He threw his stuff in the claustrophobic back of Big H, met Tyra, Trinity and Maya, as well as me :) and we spent the next 3-4 days chillin' out. We went to my ex-fiance-#1's for a stop through, and we spent the night at my aunt's house in St. Louis. Kody cooked us some killer scrambled eggs in the morning. We drove to Lexington, KY and had water fights in the pool at the extended stay hotel my company put me up in, ate buns and peanut butter from the local grocery store, drank all too much with people we just met, and then hugged and said good-bye. For the record, nothing sexual happened. It was almost innocent. In that aspect, it was completely innocent. :)
Whoa tangent. Slow down little lady.
Wow. So the point was, before my wandering fool brain took off into a memory I hadn't thought of in probably 5 years --- the point WAS, dearest internet --- I worked with Moosh since about 2-3 months after I started at USDF, which was a good 8 years ago, and shared tons of time, stories, and life with her over the next 2 years or so.
You should hear some of the stories we have from when all of the LC was together over those years. Ye gods.
I got this email from Moosh earlier today and yes - I did get permission to share it with the world (all 3 of you).
Q-
Love the lefse! I really didn't know what to expect, so I didn't look it up online or anything, I wanted to be surprised. I followed your serving suggestion, and I was so hungry when it came that I ate almost a whole pack myself.
So here is the conversation with the boys and me, after Scott brought in the package:
Aaron: who is it from, mommy? Me: it's a treat from Sarah! Matthew: Sarah Palin?
Me: no, Sarah Quick, you know her. Matthew: oh, your new friend? Me: she's not really my new friend, I have known her for quite a while. Matthew: is she a judge? Me: no, she was just coming to the show to see us. Aaron, upon seeing the lefse: I thought it was going to be candy corn! WAAAAAAAAA. Matthew, upon seeing it: it's ok Aaron, I like quesadillas.
Yes, they think they are so funny :-).
Anyway, thanks so much. A very cool treat!
Love,
Moosh
Aaron and Matthew are Mooshey's twin boys, who just turned 5. They have a younger brother, Luke, who is 2. She and her husband Scott have their hands full, but they are absolutely delightful kids, all of them. I *heart* them. Even if they did think I might be Sarah Palin.
Love to you all!
~Q~
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Reasons to be Grateful - Now
I used to sit and write in one of my journals for hours on end. Sometimes I was all hopped up on Sudafed (legal speed) and so my fingers could rush across the page even faster than usual and I was able to keep that pen clutched in between my thumb and first 2 fingers long past the point of cramping - where the pen left an indentation on the pads of my fingers. Yeah, so my jaw was clenched and I'm pretty sure my heart was racing - what's your point? This wasn't always the case by any stretch of the imagination. I wrote while sober quite frequently as well, just so you know...
The point here is that one of the things I used to write about were things that I wanted to be grateful for -- things that I had not achieved, primarily. I picked up this trick from watching "The Secret" more times than I can keep track of (not that I even attempted to keep track of this count). The entries always started with "I am so happy and grateful now that..." and I would list at least one full page full of my wishes for my life, as though I was already at that point. I'm not at home right now, so I don't have immediate access to those journals, but I imagine that to look back at those lists would be quite the eye opening experience.
Tonight, however, I don't want to live encased in dreams for the future. Yes, I am a dreamer and I will likely always remain a dreamer. I'm with you in spirit on this one, John, my second favorite Beatle. But lately - I'm living the most beautiful dream, one I couldn't even imagine this past summer. So here -- these are the things that I am so happy and grateful for in my life tonight:
* serendipity
* my amazing family, who have really shown their true colors to me since I left Jason -- they'd do ANYTHING to help me because they LOVE me, and I no longer harbor any feelings of doubt about my worth in our family system
* my incredible friends --- when I turned 30 this past July, I refused a birthday party because I was certain that nobody would make it, and that even if some people DID come to it, it would be awkward as ass because I'd be trying to make everyone happy and it would have been quite impossible -- as I was personally miserable. Now? It's amazing. Not only did I learn that my friends who have loved me this entire time still do, but I'm less concerned with possibly being rejected and more interested in exploring the world around me, including getting to know all sorts of wonderful, creative, beautiful souls --- so I'm making friends with individuals that I feel honored to know at all.
* my babies -- Tyra, Trinity & Maya -- and now my newest addition to my little Q family (which is getting more expansive all the time) -- Lyric, the most beautiful horse I've ever laid eyes on, who was flat out GIVEN to me on the night I met him because the connection between us was so intense
* the community that I live in -- I moved all over this damn country in search of myself and happiness, trying to find that feeling that I actually belong somewhere - somewhere that inspires me. Turns out? It's where I grew up. I love you, Mankato. :)
* Music - oh the music.......it's running through my spine once again and shooting out of my fingertips and the soles of my feet. It churns in my gut and spills out of my mouth, my ears, and my eyes. I've been introduced to an entirely new world of local musicians who continue to blow my mind away each time I hear them and I'm finally to the point that I feel comfortable enough in being Me that I'm willing to put my soft belly out there and open up as well. A few of my new friends and I are starting a band, by the way. It's a girl band. We just tonight came up with the name (kudos - brilliant Esther) -- we're going to be called "That's What She Said". Once the holidays are over in a few weeks, we're going to get this going. How exciting!
* Root beer and Wild Rice Pot Pie at the Coffee Hag, because holy crap -- if you haven't tried these sumptuous treats (especially this pot pie thingy) -- you just haven't lived a full existence.
* Esther -- you get a special 'shout out' (holla!!!!) because you just showed up and now I'm going to sign off and enjoy my fantastic evening with you!
love,
~Q~
The point here is that one of the things I used to write about were things that I wanted to be grateful for -- things that I had not achieved, primarily. I picked up this trick from watching "The Secret" more times than I can keep track of (not that I even attempted to keep track of this count). The entries always started with "I am so happy and grateful now that..." and I would list at least one full page full of my wishes for my life, as though I was already at that point. I'm not at home right now, so I don't have immediate access to those journals, but I imagine that to look back at those lists would be quite the eye opening experience.
Tonight, however, I don't want to live encased in dreams for the future. Yes, I am a dreamer and I will likely always remain a dreamer. I'm with you in spirit on this one, John, my second favorite Beatle. But lately - I'm living the most beautiful dream, one I couldn't even imagine this past summer. So here -- these are the things that I am so happy and grateful for in my life tonight:
* serendipity
* my amazing family, who have really shown their true colors to me since I left Jason -- they'd do ANYTHING to help me because they LOVE me, and I no longer harbor any feelings of doubt about my worth in our family system
* my incredible friends --- when I turned 30 this past July, I refused a birthday party because I was certain that nobody would make it, and that even if some people DID come to it, it would be awkward as ass because I'd be trying to make everyone happy and it would have been quite impossible -- as I was personally miserable. Now? It's amazing. Not only did I learn that my friends who have loved me this entire time still do, but I'm less concerned with possibly being rejected and more interested in exploring the world around me, including getting to know all sorts of wonderful, creative, beautiful souls --- so I'm making friends with individuals that I feel honored to know at all.
* my babies -- Tyra, Trinity & Maya -- and now my newest addition to my little Q family (which is getting more expansive all the time) -- Lyric, the most beautiful horse I've ever laid eyes on, who was flat out GIVEN to me on the night I met him because the connection between us was so intense
* the community that I live in -- I moved all over this damn country in search of myself and happiness, trying to find that feeling that I actually belong somewhere - somewhere that inspires me. Turns out? It's where I grew up. I love you, Mankato. :)
* Music - oh the music.......it's running through my spine once again and shooting out of my fingertips and the soles of my feet. It churns in my gut and spills out of my mouth, my ears, and my eyes. I've been introduced to an entirely new world of local musicians who continue to blow my mind away each time I hear them and I'm finally to the point that I feel comfortable enough in being Me that I'm willing to put my soft belly out there and open up as well. A few of my new friends and I are starting a band, by the way. It's a girl band. We just tonight came up with the name (kudos - brilliant Esther) -- we're going to be called "That's What She Said". Once the holidays are over in a few weeks, we're going to get this going. How exciting!
* Root beer and Wild Rice Pot Pie at the Coffee Hag, because holy crap -- if you haven't tried these sumptuous treats (especially this pot pie thingy) -- you just haven't lived a full existence.
* Esther -- you get a special 'shout out' (holla!!!!) because you just showed up and now I'm going to sign off and enjoy my fantastic evening with you!
love,
~Q~
Friday, December 18, 2009
Really? One month? Where have I been?
Wow - really? One month?
Ok, so I actually had a reason for not writing for an entire month. I still haven't finished the necessary paperwork to file for my divorce and I'm afraid he's reading my blog and I don't want him to have access to my world anymore. Needless to say -- one month more of living as myself and I'm once again feeling light-years ahead of where I was only a month ago. 4 months ago, I had an entirely different outlook, mental state and life. My entire life has literally changed.
Does that scare you or excite you? That your entire existence could be entirely rewritten in less than 4 months? Ok - so not 100% entirely, I suppose. You have the same parents and siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, & grandparents (should you be lucky enough to still have one or more living). You still have the same past, although 4 entire months have now gone by that did not directly include him. Funny how you're single and happy. Finally happy. It's not that I don't have difficult days, dear internet friends -- today was one of them and I was questioned by more than one person as to what was bothering me today. Was I sad?
I suppose I was a bit, yes. Interestingly enough - this is no longer cause for a meltdown, no longer an excuse to slam my entire body against the panic button and wait for someone to soothe me, to save me. I was perfectly content today to keep myself company for the most part, and to take my own happiness into my own hands (no, that's NOT what she said this time, actually). No matter how difficult following this thread through life turns out to be - I can really only worry about right now - and right now, I'm feeling happy and content. I'm running with it.
Still - I was sad earlier today, it's true. I talked to my best friend this morning, caught her up on my life over the past few days (since our last conversation), caught up with her life, and asked her opinion on my life at this point in time, basically. Since we live half-way around the world from one another and are not always able to communicate whenever we feel so inclined, we've learned to get to the important discussions almost immediately, so we can get to everything we want to talk about most fervently. She thinks I'm self-sabotaging again, and I tend to agree with her.
Why do I do this? Where on Earth did I ingrain this deep-seated belief that I am unworthy of unconditional love from those that I admire and respect most? I suppose it's been worse - I used to be unable to accept the love and companionship from platonic friends even -- and now it's just the concept of a soul mate that eludes me.
Meh. I'm sleepy now and I still have probably 70 more pieces of lefse to make tomorrow.
Night!
~Q~
Ok, so I actually had a reason for not writing for an entire month. I still haven't finished the necessary paperwork to file for my divorce and I'm afraid he's reading my blog and I don't want him to have access to my world anymore. Needless to say -- one month more of living as myself and I'm once again feeling light-years ahead of where I was only a month ago. 4 months ago, I had an entirely different outlook, mental state and life. My entire life has literally changed.
Does that scare you or excite you? That your entire existence could be entirely rewritten in less than 4 months? Ok - so not 100% entirely, I suppose. You have the same parents and siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, & grandparents (should you be lucky enough to still have one or more living). You still have the same past, although 4 entire months have now gone by that did not directly include him. Funny how you're single and happy. Finally happy. It's not that I don't have difficult days, dear internet friends -- today was one of them and I was questioned by more than one person as to what was bothering me today. Was I sad?
I suppose I was a bit, yes. Interestingly enough - this is no longer cause for a meltdown, no longer an excuse to slam my entire body against the panic button and wait for someone to soothe me, to save me. I was perfectly content today to keep myself company for the most part, and to take my own happiness into my own hands (no, that's NOT what she said this time, actually). No matter how difficult following this thread through life turns out to be - I can really only worry about right now - and right now, I'm feeling happy and content. I'm running with it.
Still - I was sad earlier today, it's true. I talked to my best friend this morning, caught her up on my life over the past few days (since our last conversation), caught up with her life, and asked her opinion on my life at this point in time, basically. Since we live half-way around the world from one another and are not always able to communicate whenever we feel so inclined, we've learned to get to the important discussions almost immediately, so we can get to everything we want to talk about most fervently. She thinks I'm self-sabotaging again, and I tend to agree with her.
Why do I do this? Where on Earth did I ingrain this deep-seated belief that I am unworthy of unconditional love from those that I admire and respect most? I suppose it's been worse - I used to be unable to accept the love and companionship from platonic friends even -- and now it's just the concept of a soul mate that eludes me.
Meh. I'm sleepy now and I still have probably 70 more pieces of lefse to make tomorrow.
Night!
~Q~
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